ME, MySeLF n I…

tensi..tensi..bengong punyer pc ni..

erm..my bengkel is about to end soon. yea! tak sabar nk balik. boring la kat penang ni. sib baik ada bos cam en.wan. tho dia ni pangkat bos aku…tp bukan immediate la.. tp sporting gilerrr. we can talk bout anything. bukan takat office matters jek. in fact..we shared a lot gak la. n when it comes to office thinggy..we act profesional. dat’s y i admire him.

b4 i came here..i went 4 atase interview. my writing test was sucks. 1st Q kena analyse table. takat nk analyse ok lagi..but to provide reason 4 it..aku lost coz my desk never handle projects n i dun really know wut’s going on in moa. then…during group interview..i think it went well tho i got sore throat. mmg susah sket la nk kuar suara. tp cuba gak. aku ni bab2 nk menggoreng bile bercakap ok sket. hahaha!! dunno wut to expect n in fact now i dun think bout that anymore coz i’m not confident i’ll get it. i’m still new n my job scope now not really helpful. tp tak tau la kan.kalo ada..aku anggap rezeki Tuhan nk bgi..kalo tak dapat..it shows dat i need to learn more. so.. tak kisah la.

after finished my interview..settle few things in office..i hd to catch my flight to penang. smpi2 jek..gi pekena nasi kandar n when i reached hotel..check in..n terus gi bilik seminar. terpaksa lak mlm tuh bg briefing to da participants. suara aku dah makin teruk coz tired kot.. huhu!! mmg sexy gilerrr time tuh.. ;p ..

this evening…i pampered myself. went 4 foot n shoulder massage. pergh..layan. dah lama tak gi massage. ilang sket la stress tuh. hehe.. n kt penang ni..cam tak tau nk jalan2 kat mana. tonite we dine at res. berputar at da roof top of this hotel. skali tuh..aku pening daaa…erm.nampak sgt tak bley nk pi res.berputar kl tower. hehe!!!

esk..flight back to kl..can’t wait 4 it. n this coming 21..my bestfren from swak is coming. yea!! n on 26th..it’s my turn to go to swak.. hope this time bley btol2 lepak n chit chat wiv her. but b4 dat.. i’m about to move out soon. surely pasni aku susah nk online mlm2. huhu!!! tak bestnyer…mami!!! i want a laptop.. hehe!!! 

Here I am..

Sit on you pearly sand..

Let da wind singing..

And da waves playing da music..

I’m searching da one inside me..

To guide me to face out there..

Coz I’m scared…

Here I am..

Look up on da blue sky..

So high to reach..

Look front to da endless sea..

So deep to touch..

It’s how my life would be…

But when I close my eyes..

Let my soul free..

And let my heart feel..

I’m in peace..

Next, I open my eyes back..

In front of me is actually a paradise..

Only then I realize..

How beautiful this life could be..

If we look at it as ONE..

And accept it with open heart..

Coz only Him knows da best for us…

happy new year to all of my frens n foe out there.. wow..it’s 2008 already.. time flies really fast. pejam celik..pejam celik..dah abes 2007..lots of things happened. n of course da most is all my memories in INTAN during DPA course. it is such a memorable experience n really precious to me. it thought me more about life n da most is friendship n leadership. n yup.. i hv to learn more bout it. huhu!!!

2007..a trial year for me in the service…from da day i became a govt officer..my patient hv been tested so many times… smtime..rasa cam nk gv up.. tp bile kenangkan parent..aku kuatkan semangat balik. yg penat dgr aku membebel ialah yas..huhu!! thanx dear 4 being such a great listener..

2007…byk benda yg tak best happened to me. in terms of friendship la..love la..n paling sedey is my health.. never expect i became such a burden to my friends when i was in da course. never expect dat i was no longer an active n energetic person that i used to be.. mmg sedih sesgt..when i first told by da doc to do MRI..aku dah rasa cam nk pengsan..was really down on dat day..then when da doc told me that i need an op to recover tho da percentage is not 100%..lagi la aku rasa cam tak sangka.. maybe to certain ppl..this thing is normal. maybe aku yg terlebih pikir or wut..i dunno. n skarang ni..dah op pon aku rasa cam sakit2 sket kadang2. tp mmg la aku dh tak larat nk jln byk2 sgt kan.. cpt penat n lenguh2 la..huhu!! tp..aku tetap trima ketentuan-Nya. about love..leave it to Him.. juz hoping da best 4 me. bukan kemewahan yg aku cari..hanya kesederhanaan n kebahagiaan yg aku perlukan. n i’m still waiting 4 my stunning miracle..(just like my bground)..hehehe!!!

2008…this year i celebrated at bukit KATIL..pergh..layan siot.. hehehe!! nway, my new resolution..erm..apa ek??? cam tak de jek. hahaha!! this year rasanya cam nk slumber redah la. anything that come along my way..i’ll face it. as long as..aku happy..my family happy..n my friends also happy..it’s enuf. tp yg pastinya aku harapkan semoga this year rezeki aku makin bertambah.. n paling penting diberkati-Nya. kaya2 pon..kalo tak berkat..tak guna gak kan.. n of course.. i hope i gonna find my ’stunning miracle’ soon. insyaAllah..

so..again..HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008…

erm…time flies really fast. today is my 2nd week after my op. alhamdulillah..i feel better now. but sometimes da pain is keep on coming back. hope it’ll get better soon.

last wiken i went 4 a live n loud concert at bukit kiara.. tak sedar diri kan aku ni yg tgh sakit..huhu!!! well…juz 4 dat nite. hehe! went there wiv da 4 notty angels..me, yas, ira n shida. we were back as 4 like da old days in spore. thanx to yas for giving me da tix. but.. i kinda disappointed wiv da concert. da local artist performance were quite ok la.. noryn n nikki did a gud job anyway. when shaggy came on stage..audience started screaming n waving hands in da air. da performance was great but whitney houston was sucks!!! dah la berlagak cam diva when Lah told us dat da bodyguard asked da malaysian artist to clear da walkaway b4 whitney came up on da stage…eeewwww!!!! they should respect us as a host 4 this concert.. kalo best sgt tak pe la jugak kan.. ni dah pancit sbb tua kot. haha!! we didn’t wait till finished coz e’one were getting tired n sleepy. n buat pe nk tgu kalo show cam tuh kan. n…. during concert.. i did most in observing people. suka tgk gelagat org yg mcm2 ni. n here.. i would like to ask something to all of u who read my blog.. da story n question goes like this..

"when we reached there.. joe flizzow were performing at dat moment. n as i expected.. he sang a song of Alhamdulillah.. in dat song.. if all of us could recall.. kan ada ayat2 yg memuji kekuasaan Allah.. n ada arabic words lagi kan.. n as a Muslim.. apa yg korang akan rasa bile tgk joe menyanyi kat atas in his hip hop way.. audience kat bawah enjoying themselves wiv dancing n clapping their hands n i can see some of da audience who is not Muslim trying to sing along..sedangkan ayat2 2 adalah ayat2 yg memuji kebesaran Allah S.W.T..??? aku ni tak de la baik or alim mana kan.. ilmu tuh sebesar debu jek..tp certain things especially like this.. make me feel.. where are their sensitivity?? n of course aku ada rasa bengang kan.. it’s true..maybe ngan cara wat lagu cam tuh.. konon2 nk tarik da youngster to listen to a song yg berbentuk ketuhanan..tp kalo dah konsepnya tak kena.. takkan nk biarkan jek cam tuh kan.. to me, it’s wrong. lagu2 cam tuh tak sesuai nk dinyanyikan kat concert yg mcm tuh. kalo dlm show biasa2 like anugerah pape la kan.. maybe ok sket la kot. tp tah la.. "

let’s think bout it together…

akum..erm, tonite i’m back ere in shah alam. back to my life. back to my business.. hehe! after 2 weeks plus i’ve been resting in jb.. can’t wait to start anew day tomoro. excited to go to office but not bcoz of i miss my work..but definitely i miss my frensss so much.

alhamdulillah..i think i make a gud progress after da op. e’tho i can’t walk as fast as before, but i thank God coz it’s done! i dun hv to think bout it anymore. wut i need to do now is to make sure that i’m taking a gud care of myself. got to reduce my activity.. huhu!! but..if i recall da day i was in da op theatre.. it was among da scariest moment in my life. i’m juz too scared bout hospital. i can’t sleep well at night. when i entered da ot, i saw ppl in blue uniform. tetiba teringat cite grey’s anatomy. hehe! i should been biused by da doc b4 they put in da scope into my back. however, da thing yg cucuk kat tangan tuh was blocked n no one noticed bout it. so, all of them thought i was already unconscious but i WAS NOT!! therefore i cn feel dat thing entering my body. sakit tu Tuhan jek yg tau. i wanted to scream tp suara tak kluar. wut i can remember is i grabbed 1 of da doc’s hand in front of me.. i hold it tightly n aku terus nangis.. only then 1 of them saw me crying n told da head or surgeon that i wasn’t sleep yet. kelam-kabut la dorg nk btolkan tiub kat tgn tuh so da bius will go in my body. tp maybe dorg panic..main cucuk2 jek tangan aku ni. tak dapat belah kiri, duk cucuk belah kanan lak. n at da same time, da surgery was still went on. time tu rasa cam anak patung pon ada kan.. few minutes after that baru la aku cam mamai sket. after da op finished.. da doc came n met my parent. they apologized of wut had happened.. aku dah tak larat time tuh..diam jek n tertido sat. da next day..i went back to jb. mak aii..jalan cam org dlm pantang. x pe..x pe..practice sket2. hahaha!!! for da 1st few days..sakit sgt rasa bile terlebih gerak. erm..tp aku ni plak tak reti duk diam.. sangap sgt rasa duk kat umah tuh. so..u guys name it.. sume citer aku tgk. from morning till midnite. silap2 bley buat drama review. hahah!

last thursday..i went back to da hospital 4 check up. when da doc explained to me.. i kinda shocked. never imagined in my mind.. i was actually hv bleeding spot in my back. maybe bcoz of da injury. n da doc told me i can only recover at least 70%. erm.. no more sports after this. sedih..??? mmg sedih coz i love sports. i love adventures activity. i love doing crazy things. tp.. ini dah ketentuan Dia. aku terima.

erm..i would like to say thank u very very much to all my frens 4 giving me supports. thanx for all da sms-es.. n thanx 4 visiting me at da hospital. u know who u are.. thanx 4 being such a caring fren. hope i will get well soon.. amin.. muacks to all of u!!!

aloha…i’m back ere. tonite i wanna talk how mad i am to da hospital putrajaya.. govt hospital which i think supposedly give da best service to public. i had admitted ward on 30th oct. da nurses had taken my BP n blood sample. i had sign da consent form. but suddenly..at 5pm da doc told me that my opt have to postpone to a new date which me myself dunno yet. n i was like..WUTTTTT???!!! postpone again..??!! how could they do this to me. wiv a reason da equipment is broken..but i doubt it. my instinct just said something is not right. bcoz this is actually da 3rd time they have postponed my case. it’s not that i am excited to do it..giler ke! but i just want to get over it soon coz i dun wanna think bout this anymore. selagi aku tak buat..mcm2 benda aku pikir..mcm2 yg aku imagine kan.. n eventually it’s psiko’ing me.. n plus..i hv to keep on mentioning to my boss to cancel my MC.. i’m afraid she might think that i am juz creating reason..well, we never know wut is in other ppl’s mind..but at da same time..tak baik gak kalo aku buruk sangka kan.. eish..eish.. aida stop it..! n me also pity to my parent. they had to travel all da way from jb but suddenly CANCEL!!! luckily my mom was there when da doc told me that they have to cancel my op. to me, once we paid 4 da equip n da date has fixed..da supplier supposedly get ready n make sure da equip is well maintained. n now..aku dah malas nk pikir.. lantak la..nk op ke tak ker… i won’t call them..but if until end of this month i don’t get any date.. i just want refund n do somewhere else. to all my dear friends in ministry of health.. please take note to this kinda cases. i think this will give bad image n tarnish da reputation of govt hospital…hope it won’t happen to anyone else…

fuuuyyyoooo!!!!!!!! this wiken mmg best la.. on saturday..i went to 4 open houses..mmg hari makan2 sedunia la…kenyang sgt..silap ari bulan..mmg naik la berat badan aku ni kan. since noon till midnite. dah la penat gi sana sini kan.. bbuuurrrpppp!!! ooppss..sori. hehehe! alhamdulillah. pastuh ingatkan nak main futsal. dorg ni beriya jek janji. tp brapa kerat jek yang datang. last2 ktorg cancel jek. dah la aku baru berangan nak main 4 da last time b4 aku kena rest panjang kan.. huhuhuhu!!!!

n today..i went 4 a movie wiv emma. we went to 1 Utama n watched 1957:Hati Malaya directed by Shuhaimi Baba.. n i think i wanna give 4 stars 4 dat movie. it is totally different from other independence movie i ever watched b4. no wars at all. but it doesn’t mean da previous is not gud. it is just this is something new. 2 thumbs up to shuhaimi.. n also to all da actors in that movie. i juz loved da character of dato’ onn jaafar n tunku abdul rahman. to me da actor had successfully bring it on. after dat, me n emma jln2 cuci mata kat OU tuh.. at da same time, both of us bought something. i bought a new cardigan n emma bought a new dress. chantek dress tuh. hahaha!! we just love shopping.. mommy!!! help me.. i can’t stop shopping now.. hehhehe… ok la..got to stop ere.. esk nk gi keje.. hope 4 da best 4 this coming days..

arggghhhh!!!!! i just cannot take it anymore..sakit ati n sakit otak la layan orang cam tuh. i’m not happy wiv my situation now. i lost my gud team.. n i miss them n gonna miss them much soon. aku rasa cam kena ikat skarang. kuat sgt smpi aku rasa lemas n rimas. i lost my freedom. i lost my voice..i can’t work wiv this kind of person. can i cry..??!! am i a loser if i cry?? am i not tough enuf to be in this situation?? i dunno.. if i hv a chance.. i wanna be at other desk. tp..when we look at da bright side.. i know, this is a gud experience to me. it taught me how to handle my anger n how to remain calm..tp bile tgh kena macam2 tuh..terbakar gak la kan. sabar jek la aida.. i just feel like i wanna talk to someone right now. but then.. *sigh* .. x pe la.. hoping 4 a better day tomoro n da following days.. InsyaAllah…

raya datang lagi.. tahun ni aku rasa cam best sket la. on 1st day raya..me n all my family wore purple n we went to kedai 4 family photo lepas sesi airmata di pagi Syawal. hehehe..sniri mau ingat aaaa…. kalo dulu ada 6 org..ni tambah lak 4 org..dah makin ramai..tp sayang sgt..on 1st n 2nd raya..aku tak sedap badan. cam nk demam jek rasa n pening2.tp tahan jek la kan. dlm keta mmg tido sepanjang jalan laa kan. this year sambut kat jb dulu baru balik kg kat muar. balik kg pon kejap jek..tp smpi sana jek terus tido..btol2 tak larat sgt. 2nd day raya pon berjalan smpi midnite. perghh.. giler penat! skang ni tgk kuih raya pon dah bosan. banyak sgt makan.. hehehe!! silap ari bulan.. naik berat badan aku ni. alhamdulillah..i managed to see my old friends.. rindu gilerrr kat dieorang ni. e’tho ada yg keje kat kl.. susah nk jmp kan. kalo dah lama tak jmp tuh.. mcm2 citer la keluar. n yg paling best..kiterorg ni kalo dah jmp mmg bisinggg sgt.. hehehe! n aku nk wish congartulation kat eva on her engagement. mak aiii…grand sgt majlis dia. dah macam nak nikah.. nway, i’m happy 4 u eva.. wish u happy eternity..dah la lambat gerak balik frm jb. nk kena sampai umah eva dlm kul 4pm..mmg aku pecut gilerrr la. sori mak!! terpaksa..hehehe!! n tomoro aku dah start keje..wah! keje ari ahad.. dah lama tak buat. kalo time kat karangkraf..ari ahad tuh kekadang rasa cam ari biasa jek. i’m going to penang 4 site inspection. alang2 tuh..cuti2 mesia la kan.. dah la aku dah lama tak bercuti. hehehe!! bestnyer! BUT… at da same time.. aku nyer nervous makin laju..i’m counting days now.. i really hope i can go through it. insyaAllah…semoga semua berjalan lancar. erm..ada seminggu lebih jek lagi b4 i admitted ward. hanya doa dari kawan2 dan keluarga yg aku harapkan. ok la..b4 i end my raya story..i wanna wish to all of my friends n foe.. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri.. Maaf Zahir Batin.. let bygone be bygone.. semua yg terjadi pasti ada hikmah kan.. kawan2 lama yg dah lama aku tak contact tu..sori byk2 k.. harap2 pasni korang contact la aku balik k.. n yg penting skali.. to mama Shidah..aku doakan ko selamat bersalin.. u n Shahrin hv been a gud fren to me.. thanx guys..

adusss.. pagi ni baru aku tersedar yg aku dah spend byk 4 this coming raya.. ffuuuhh!!! alamak..tetiba nk pengsan. ahahha!! but, it’s ok.. aku ni kalo shopping bukan la every year kan.. ikut mood. cam last year tak de mood nk shopping, this year aku balun la.. lgpon bile shopping time mood tgh ting tong..n sengal..mmg la best..cam layan jek bile amek2 barang kan..hahaha!! n maybe next year aku rilekss lak. that’s me. terpaksalah aku ikat perut this year. hehe..

apa yg korang akan rasa bile kena buat benda yg korang tak suka..?? sure la lemau semacam kan. that’s wut happened to me. day by day.. aku rasa malasssss sgt nk pi ofis skang ni. kalo bukan sebab aku ada ofismate yg best..aku rasa mmg aku buat hal jugak kot. hehe.. tah la.. i like to do things that i like. kalo aku tak suka.. mmg susah aku nk perform. n kekadang tuh aku terpikir, kenapa la dorg ni tak letakkan pekerja tuh based on their interest n education bground.. rugi kan kalo dah blaja cam org gilerrrr at least for 5 years n yet u can’t utilize da knowledge that u have. n slowly..kiter sniri akan jd demotivated kan. mmg la akan ada certain people yg ckp..we hv to get out from our comfort zone.. we hv to do or try something else which is out of our area..well, i dun give a damn la. i’m not u n u r not me.. i am wut i am. but then again..welcome to da real world.. u won’t get everything u wish for.. kena la blaja menerima seadanya kan.. maybe dah rezeki aku kat sini n buat benda ni. i juz hope i can deliver da best tho i know till now i am not yet.

dah setahun aku keje kat sini..tak sempat nk fully master wat unit sblom ni, aku dah kena tukar unit lak. n tetiba pagi ni aku terpikir.. wut i want in this service..?? apa aku akan jadi in coming 5-10 years..?? b4 this..i do hv dreams..wut i wanna be..how am i going to get it.. but now.. i juz dunno. arrrggghhh!!!!! dah la tuh..dpt bos yg mmg suka mengampu..to me, if u r good..u dun hv to try so hard coz it will naturally comes out from u. it’s true that we hv to pleased our bosses..tp tak yah la smpi nk air cond.. got limit maa… tp biaq pi la…

nway..selamat hari raya aidil fitri.. i hv this kinda mix of feeling.. happy (of course la..), sedih sket..terharu..sebak..sume ada la.. 25 tahun hidup kat dunia ni…apa yg aku dah dapat..?? apa yg aku dah buat..?? erm..